If you’ve had diabetes for very long, then you’ve probably found yourself at some point with a low blood sugar that scares you enough to do some wild things to get your numbers back to normal. In hindsight, what you had to go through to treat that low can not only be a learning experience, but also hilarious, gross, or just plain entertaining. Sharing is caring, so I thought I’d list a few times over my many years with diabetes when I went too low and desperation took over, and the whacky events that followed.

Secret Stash
I was at work late one night in my office, alone, and had a low BG. This was before the days that I developed the good sense to carry glucose and glucose tabs around with me. Not being able to find anything in my own desk to eat, and no one to tell that I needed help, I dragged myself to an office a few doors down and went through a coworker’s desk until I found these awful, dry, sugar-crusted jelly bean type fruity shaped things of a questionable age, and ate half the container. They were really terrible, but they were pure sugar and got the job done. I sat there at the desk until the shakes and sweating finally went away. Once I could think semi-clearly, I was afraid my coworker would be mad at me for raiding their secret stash, so I arranged the treats so that it didn’t look like I had eaten as many as I did, and then put them back where I had found them. I hope they weren’t a gift. If they were…um…thanks?

Enjoy Coca-Cola
Something that has always amazed me is how I can go low while sitting at the table eating a meal. It’s the most bizarre and frustrating thing. I’m eating already! What more do you want?! One day I went to lunch with a coworker, and we were having a seemingly normal discussion, until I realized that my half of the conversation was coming out in me making farting noises instead of words. My coworker had a background in nursing and was looking at me strange and knew that something wasn’t right, but had not made the connection to low blood sugar yet. Knowing me at the time, I probably hadn’t divulged that I even had diabetes up until that point either. The waitress had just dropped off drinks at the table next to us, so in my autopilot survival mode I reached over and took the the regular Coke of the poor guy sitting there who just happened to be at the mercy of my low BG lunatic craze by proximity. It was a quick save, and the guy was quite understanding, but it made for a really awkward remainder of the lunch hour.

How To Meet People at a Conference
Diabetes likes to come out and play at fancy events. I was at a dinner at a conference one evening with my boss, and it was in one of those big dark rooms where you sit at round tables with ten other people who are all wearing the same dorky name tag lanyards around their necks. I thought I was feeling low, but didn’t have enough light to do a BG test in the room, so I grabbed my kit and excused myself to the restroom. Later, I recall becoming aware of the fact that I was sitting at the wrong table on the opposite side of the room eating dinner with a bunch of complete strangers, with no concept of how much time had actually passed. I guess autopilot had taken over and I had grabbed the first opportunity I could find to get food in me. Fortunately, I was wearing a dorky name tag lanyard, so I fit right in. Embarrassed, but not about to let anyone else know my low BG blunder, I excused myself from that table and crept through the dark back to where I had started. My boss commented, “We wondered if you were coming back. Is everything okay?” As I unrolled my second set of silverware and prepared to have dinner number two, I replied, “Oh yes, I met some interesting people and got to talking and time got away from me.” Liar, liar, pants on fire! I should have been crowned King of Denial that night.