goals

Assuming Positive Intent

I’m disappointed in us. We, people with diabetes, active and vocal members of the diabetes online community (DOC), who are supposed to be there for each other, support each other, lending an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, an “I’m high” joke, and the occasional insulin pump reservoir or extra CGM sensor, are demonstrating clear and present signs of being a bunch of jerks.

Over the weekend news broke about Jeffrey Brewer leaving JDRF. He posted on his Facebook page…

Jeffrey, in his tenure as the top dog over at JDRF, seemed to give those of us who are adults with Type 1 diabetes (T1D) something we could get behind and support. We felt listened to, for a change. The re-branding of JDRF under his helm, and the focus on those things that make living with diabetes better, and still the same focus for the as yet unattainable holy grail cure for diabetes, inspired us. As adults with diabetes, we felt like we could really support the efforts of JDRF, some of us for the first time, and some of us again after years of feeling left outside of the scope of what JDRF does. We could imagine living better with Type 1 diabetes, something that the world often does a better job of telling us we can’t do.

I don’t pretend to know all the ins and outs of what is going on behind closed doors at JDRF. I am a new member of the JDRF Type 1 Diabetes Voices Council, and I found out the news at the same time as the rest of the world (or at least the Facebook world). I’d be upset about that, but honestly, I get most of my news from Facebook and Twitter anyway. If it is important, someone will share it. And share it they did.

People from all over the internet expressed concerns about what would be next for JDRF. Overwhelmingly, nobody liked the idea that Jeffrey Brewer was leaving and moving on to whatever happens after you are a CEO of an international diabetes research foundation. I like to imagine that there is probably a lot of secret bases in volcanoes, flying Big Boys, sharks with laser beams, and fembots. I’ll report back when I get to that spot in my career. In the meantime, I wish Jeffrey Brewer nothing but the best as he moves forward.

On Monday, news hit the wire that Derek Rapp would be the new interim CEO of JDRF. My friend Amy, who is interning with JDRF this summer, wrote a great post detailing what was happening in JDRF HQ with all of this news.

Not surprisingly, change was met with extreme belligerency by some, a few folks who even went as far as creating a Change.org petition to have Derek Rapp denounced as the next CEO of JDRF. Some folks aren’t comfortable with Derek’s background with Monsanto, and want to blame Monsanto for causing increasing numbers of diabetes diagnoses, citing conflicts of interest and all kinds of claims. I won’t disagree that Monsanto is a questionable organization in many ways, but no successful company can be all bad and still be successful in business. That said, if you have the academic and scientific research that proves Monsanto is the cause of Type 1 diabetes, by all means stop reading this blog and go write that $h!t down right now, get it peer reviewed, get it published, and go collect your Nobel Prize. I’ll be the first person to congratulate you. Until then, all we’re doing by blaming and name calling is demonstrating that kids with diabetes grow up to be a-holes with diabetes.

Dayle summed up the organizational changes of JDRF (and ADA) quite well in her post yesterday…

With some people sharing excitement about the changes and some spewing venom, I imagined what it is like to be Derek’s son, who is a young adult with T1D. His son is also my friend through being a part of Students With Diabetes together. After thinking really hard about it, I want Turner to know that if he is sick of diabetes and is feeling overwhelmed and needs a friend, or if he rocks a no-hitter on his CGM and wants someone to share that with and celebrate, that I am here for him, always. I want him, and so many other people with diabetes just like him, to know that there is a community of compassionate people just a tweet, a Facebook status, a blog post, or a phone call away anytime that they are needed. I don’t want our diabetes community that I love and cherish to be spoiled by the rotten comments or actions of a few. The absolute last thing that I want is a person with diabetes to feel like they are alone and don’t have someone that they can share this stupid disease with. When we go off on a bashing spree about how evil someone is for taking the lead of a foundation that is focused on making our lives better, we are not being advocates for people with diabetes…we are being hypocrites.

My friend Tye Manor speaks to people about how he always tries to assume positive intent. In this JDRF leadership shift situation, I don’t know all of the background story, but I can make the choice to assume that the reasons for the changes are positive. I am going to assume that the changes are to make the lives of people with diabetes better, to make progress toward a cure, to hear our voices as people with diabetes, and to keep changing so that goals can be met and achievements can be realized. Until there is type none.

I choose to assume positive intent. I’m going to ask the question, “How can I help?” I’m going to be there on the front lines as we are making progress. I’m going to be the diabetes advocate and member of the diabetes online community that I want to see in others. I’m going to be that friend with diabetes that I didn’t have for the first 28 years of my life with diabetes. Because I’m selfish. I want better technologies, better therapies, and better ways to live with my diabetes. I want the bionic pancreas, real bad. I want an encapsulation device that allows me to not have to think about this diabetes nonsense anymore. And I want you to have all of these things too (except maybe diabetes). Because I love you, and I love that I am not alone, and I’m glad that you are a part of my world with diabetes.

And I have zero interest in either of us being alone with diabetes ever again. Pretty much whether you like it or not.

New Director, New Direction

I’ve always wanted my own library. I wanted to be a permanent resident in a place of knowledge, where dreams are created and nurtured, where there is a near-guaranteed payoff for time well spent, where I could inspire people to imagine possibilities and achieve the unexpected, and where I could make a positive difference in the lives of others.

After several years of leading a creative project management and development team, I moved to south Florida in 2004 chasing love and the dream of becoming a library success story. It wasn’t long before I developed aspirations of finding my way to the top, where I could lead and inspire others to dream even bigger than I could on my own. After some hard years of clawing my way up the corporate ladder, and learning and losing more than I had bargained for both professionally and personally in the process, I relocated again in 2009 to venture into the unknown territory of the accidental medical librarian.

The past five years have had both ups and downs, but these years have ultimately been rewarding, and have provided me plenty of opportunities to grow personally and professionally. I am proud of the things that I have accomplished as a medical librarian, as a diabetes advocate, and that I have had the opportunity to play a role in inspiring the people around me to achieve. In our medical library, we are a team, and our success is as dependent on each other as it is on ourselves and our individual accomplishments. And we’re only just getting started.

I am so excited to share the news that, as of today, I am the Director of the Charlotte Edwards Maguire Medical Library at the Florida State University.

I have worked extremely hard to get to this place and to tie all of my little worlds together into one big dream where my passions can coexist. I’ve had some great support. And Amanda has had the patience of Job. So I’m going to take a few moments to enjoy this accomplishment.

And then I’m going to change the world.

Photo-MartinWood

Friday, 5/23/2014

I am pleased to inform you that after a national search, Martin Wood has been named Director of the Charlotte Edwards Maguire Medical Library at the FSU College of Medicine, and promoted to Associate Librarian.

Martin graduated from Florida State University, twice, where he acquired a Bachelor of Science degree in Mass Communication, and a degree as Master of Library and Information Studies. He is also a graduate of the Harvard Leadership Institute for Academic Librarians.

After years of experience with the Florida Center for Prevention Research and in the Global Research Library for Franklin Templeton Investments, a Fortune 500 company, Martin brought his skills in technology, business, communications, education, and research to the Maguire Medical Library. Martin started at the College of Medicine in 2009 as the Head of Electronic Resources and Technical Services, and shifted the library’s definition of “collection” to focus on those electronic resources with the greatest potential for positive impact on patients at the point of care. He was promoted to Assistant Director of the medical library in 2012, and then Interim Director in March of 2014, overseeing electronic resources, collection development, scholarly communications and open access publishing, systems, web services, and public services.

Complimenting his leadership of the Maguire Medical Library team, Martin was elected and served as the President of the Florida Health Sciences Library Association in 2012-13, and has been the Chair of both the Strategic Planning and Nominating Committees in FHSLA. Martin is a Senior member of the Academy of Health Information Professionals (AHIP) with the Medical Library Association (MLA), and also represents Florida State University as a member of the Florida Collaboration of Academic Libraries of Medicine (FCALM), the Southern Chapter of the Medical Library Association (SC/MLA), the Consortium of Southern Biomedical Libraries (CONBLS), and the Association of Academic Health Sciences Libraries (AAHSL).

In addition to his accomplishments in the medical library field, Martin is also a leader and outspoken advocate for people living with diabetes, and serves at the local, state, national, and international levels to improve the lives of people with chronic conditions. Martin is a well-known blogger and patient advocate in the diabetes community, and was recently appointed to the JDRF International Type 1 Diabetes Voices Council in Washington, DC. He is also a faculty advisor for the Students With Diabetes organization, which aims to create a community and connection point for young adults with diabetes on both college campuses and in local communities across the country.

I want to thank the members of the search committee for their due diligence in reviewing a number of qualified applicants, and confirming for us the real jewel we have at the College of Medicine. Please join me in congratulating Martin, and thanking him for his leadership as he continues to direct the medical library team and oversee the services and resources that have made the Maguire Medical Library the model academic digital medical library for the 21st century.

–Dr. Littles

Frequency

Frequency is a very interesting thing in Diabetesland. We base our lives on frequency. Frequency is in how many times a day we check our blood sugar, to how many times a year we see our endocrinologist, to how often we exercise, to how many showers we take a day (or week, if you’re kind of a Stinky McStinkerson).

Just like daylight is defined by the existence of night, frequency is sometimes most obvious when it is absent. For example, it’s much easier to spot a day or a week of not checking your blood sugar when you’re accustomed to checking it eight times a day. However, if all you do is one fingerprick a day, then a few days of no fingerpricks at all really doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.

I find that is where I am with sharing my life these days on my blog, in real life, about diabetes and otherwise. My frequency of sharing has diminished over the past long time, where I now find the task of sharing much of anything with other people extremely hard. And I don’t notice when I’m not opening up near as much as I used to, because my normal now is being guarded and closed off from others. I’m even guarded with those that I care about and who care about me the most, with very few exceptions.

But I have so much to share. So I have to figure out how to get past this being guarded baloney. I have to let my defenses down a little, and teach myself how to share Martin World with complete strangers and not so strangers, like I used to. I miss sharing, and I miss the conversation, and I miss the empathy and “Aha!” moments that come with the sharing of a story.

I have to learn how to trust that people aren’t going to hurt me with what I have to share, and have the courage to just put whatever it is that I have to say out there, and I’m finding it extremely difficult to begin. Again.

That is what this post is about. I’m sure I have some very poignant blog posts bottled up in me somewhere. I’m sure I have some ridiculous, hilarious, and emotional posts as well. So much has happened over the past long time that needs sharing. The list is very long, and I have been very selfish by keeping it all to myself. I apologize for that, to you and to me both.

My goal is to start to share again. I have so much catching up to do. I may pull from my experiences today, or I may pull from events that happened months and months ago. The goal is to share, and in the process of sharing I’m hoping that I can beat the demons inside of me that make me afraid to open up. I need the conversation. I need the attention. I need to feel closer to people, rather than so detached. Maybe we all do.

Some of what you read after this post will be diabetically speaking, and some of it won’t be. But it will all be right here at Diabetically Speaking. Because I just renewed my hosting plan. And because it’s me, Martin Wood, and I have a story to tell.

Frequency, to be determined.

To The Moon and Back

It’s the 4th Annual Diabetes Blog Week! If you want to participate, or if you want to see what other diabetes bloggers have to say about the daily topics over the next few days, head over to Karen’s blog at Bitter~Sweet and jump in.

Today’s blog prompt comes from Briley over at inDpendence.

Recently various petitions have been circulating the Diabetes Online Community, so today let’s pretend to write our own. Tell us who you would write the petition to – a person, an organization, even an object (animate or inanimate) – get creative!! What are you trying to change and what have you experienced that makes you want this change?

On May 25, 1961, President John F. Kennedy addressed Congress and presented his vision that the United States would put a man on the moon and safely return him to Earth before the end of the decade. Eight years later, with an unprecedented national determination, and financial support from the top levels of our government, the United States did exactly that.

Imagine if our government, our Congressional leaders, and our medical experts today put the same kind of determination into curing Type 1 diabetes that the brilliant minds of yesteryear did in getting a man to the moon and back. I want to see leaders with the gumption to embrace seemingly impossible ideas, like curing diabetes, and support them with the same enthusiasm and determination as the leaders in the 1960’s did to send a man hurdling out of Earth’s atmosphere toward a floating dustball, have him land, and then safely return. I want to see every single level of government, big pharma, and supposed research foundations, along with parents, children, and people just like me with diabetes working together to embrace solutions for ways that curing diabetes can be done, rather than excuses for how difficult it is. I know it’s difficult. I get how complicated diabetes is. I live with it every single day, and I see my friends thrive with this disease, and I see them die with this disease.

If we can imagine in eight short years how to send a human being on a rocket fuel powered missile 238,900 miles through a vacuum to land on a dusty, dark, desolate piece of planet with no life, air, water, food, or electricity, and then have him travel the 238,900 miles back safely, then we should be able to imagine how to cure a disease that we’ve already figured out how to live with for the past 90 years.

To view other posts on this topic, click here.

Just Ask

It’s the 4th Annual Diabetes Blog Week! If you want to participate, or if you want to see what other diabetes bloggers have to say about the daily topics over the next seven days, head over to Karen’s blog at Bitter~Sweet and jump in.

Today’s blog prompt comes from Melissa over at Sweetly Voiced.

Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one’s daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don’t see?

Unless I’m traveling or just too busy to stop what I’m doing (or in denial…yes, that happens), I see my endocrinologist (endo) and CDE every three months, my ophthalmologist (eye doctor) every year, and my dentist twice a year. That amounts to, at the very least, four hours a year in the office of my healthcare team with my pancreas hanging out, my pupils dilated, or my mouth wide open. Sometimes at the same time.

Considering that there are 8760 hours in a year, I spend about .5% of my year in doctors offices in various compromising positions (not counting labs, time on the phone with insurance, time spent hooking so that I can afford my copays, etc.), which begs the question… How the heck am I still alive?

There are plenty of other doctors that I could spend time with too. Presently on my list of docs to find include a dermatologist, a podiatrist, and a psychologist. That last one will likely make my doctor time (and spend) increase exponentially, but that’s a conversation for another day. When I’m less crazy. Because that happens too.

The thing is, I need all of the services and advice of all of these doctors in order for me to stay at my optimal health status and achieve my health goals. Yet, I struggle. What little bit of time I have with each of these doctors, we don’t have a chance to talk about some of the things that they could really help me with probably better than anyone.

At my endo, we talk about diabetes, pump settings, high and low blood sugar trends, A1C’s, prescriptions, and sometimes even new diabetes research and technology. We don’t talk about my struggle with my weight, and how it affects me both physically and mentally. We don’t talk about my depression, and how sometimes I’m smiling on the outside and absolutely falling apart on the inside, and nobody ever truly knows the extent of it. We don’t talk about stress, and ways to manage being overloaded, and strategies to cut it down so that I don’t have to add hypertension and heart disease to my laundry list of sh–stuff to deal with on a daily basis.

At the eye doctor, we talk about diabetes, A1C’s, and the importance of keeping and EYE on things (see what I did there?) in the back of my eyeballs. We don’t talk about how prescription glasses are expensive, especially when you need multiple pairs (stylish regular glasses, plus sunglasses that make you think you look stylish, plus sport sunglasses for when you play volleyball on the beach with no shirt on all Top Gun style). We don’t talk about how much time I spend staring at a computer screen, and whether or not that is good or bad. We don’t talk about anything to allay my fears and anxiety from potential and, in reality, way over-exaggerated diabetes complications. We don’t even differentiate between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes, but rather treat it as just this overarching definition of diabetes that sucks and makes you go blind, your feet fall off, and your wenis not work properly. And I need my wenis to continue to work properly dangit! (I don’t even know how I got from eyeballs to wenis, but I’m mildly impressed and entertained with myself right now.)

I want my healthcare team to know that, just because it isn’t their area of expertise, all of these various other things in Martin World impact me, and are related in some way, and have the potential to impact my health in both positive and negative ways. Because I’m stressed out that my BG’s are running higher than normal may mean that I don’t check my BG as often because I don’t want to deal with the stress that I feel when I see that high number on my meter. So then I go get something awful to eat to feed the stress with, and then my pants start fitting a little tighter, and I feel like I’m the size of a whale and the idea of an 19th century style corset sounds like a pretty great idea if it will make my pants fit better. Then my pants get too tight and the pressure makes my eyeballs fall out and my teeth point forward.

What I also want my healthcare team to know is that I have absolutely no clue how to bring these things up and talk about them in the time limit and in a way that makes sense to them before they have to run off and see the next patient. I’m doing good to remember to even show up for the appointment most days. If it’s not on my Outlook calendar with an alarm, don’t expect me to be there. If there was one thing I wish they would all ask, it might be, “So all of these numbers aside, how are YOU doing? Feeling okay? Any particular issue not related to insulin, BG test strips, and pump supplies that I can help with?”

Just ask. The answer might be no most of the time. But sometimes it might be yes. And that’s when it is most important that you asked, and that you are there to listen.

To view other posts on this topic, click here.

Finding My Inner Ryan Reynolds

Every year right around this time we all dream up our New Year’s resolutions. Some form of weight loss, get in shape, go on a diet, or eat healthy is almost always at the top of everyone’s New Year’s list. This year, I’m feeling the stretch, and I realize that I need to do something to get back to my size 4 bikini body again.

Actually, I don’t even know what that means. I just heard it on an infomercial for some kind of magic beans that are supposed to make your clothes fit better. Truth be known, they probably have a better chance of turning into a beanstalk and leading to a land of giants than they do making me lose weight.

I bet they are good with ham though. Anyway, moving on…

I freely admit that I weigh more than I want to right now. I’m overweight. Heck, I might even be considered obese by the current standards of how big a person’s butt should and shouldn’t be. (And don’t you dare tell me what the difference is. I don’t want to know.) What I do know is that my clothes fit a little tighter than I would sometimes call comfortable. I can’t really button the top button on my dress shirts right now because my head and neck resemble Jabba the Hut. If someone told me to haul ass, it’s questionable if it would take me one trip or two to get it all. At least, that is how I feel.

I’d love to lose some of the extra pounds that I’m carrying around. I know it would make me feel better, both inside and out. I mean, there is a Ryan Reynolds under all of this that is just waiting to get out. I’m just trying to find a real solid purpose that I can grab onto besides, “Skinny people are happier.” Oh yeah? With that kind of logic, rich people must also be less lonely, hairy people have more style, and short people enjoy the smell of toots. Give me a break. Happy has nothing to do with weight, just like loneliness has nothing to do with how much money you have.

And everybody hates the smell of toots. Unless you’re a proctologist. Then it just smells like money.

When I signed up for my last gym membership, my goal was simple: I wanted to look good naked. I could have said that I wanted to be able to run a marathon, or be in good enough shape to teach spin class, or ride my bike for miles and miles and miles, but…well…yeah, naked. You have your goals, I have mine. Unfortunately, 2012 was a really hard year for me to establish and maintain a routine of exercise, working out, riding my bike, and keeping active consistently, and I feel like I’ve lost my way a bit. I could blame it on a chaotic schedule, being overwhelmed by other things going on, not having enough time, or that the Mayan’s had predicted that the world was going to end anyway, so why bother. When it really comes down to it though, it was me. I didn’t take time or make time, and I realize that I really need time to exercise and work out for both my physical and mental well being.

In order to change all of that for 2013, A-Flizzle and I worked extremely hard in our garage over the holidays to get it organized so that we could have a functional workout space that would be available despite my busy and often chaotic schedule. If I want to work out at 11 o’clock at night, I can. I don’t have a bunch of expensive equipment, but what I do have I can definitely make the most of now. I’m SUPER excited about it.

In 2013, I’m trying to get back to establishing consistent exercise routines. I’ve really got to find a way to make time to train and get to where I want to be. The first place I want to be is on my bike in a few months for the Tour de Cure. My goal is to train consistently this Spring so that I can complete the 100 mile century bike ride in May. From there, who knows? Hopefully by then there will be other bike rides that I can train for. Or maybe even a triathlon. Wouldn’t that be exciting?! But, first things first.

I know that exercise is only part of the story. In order to get fit and have a set of abs worthy of doing laundry on (thanks Ryan Reynolds for setting THAT bar so high), I realize that I also have to eat right. What does “eat right” even mean these days? I look at all of the options for supposed “eating right” and I wonder how in the world I can adopt something like Weight Watchers, Atkins, Paleo, eating clean, gluten free, zero trans fat, and all the other whoop-tee-do diets out there for the rest of my life. I don’t want to make a change that gets me to where I want to be with my size and weight, just to reach that goal and balloon back to being the fat kid that I am now all over again. I also don’t want to not be able to have a Burger King fish sandwich WITH fries when I have one of these:

Basically, I’m a walking contradiction.

Weight Watchers I don’t get because of the point system. It’s difficult for me to understand how a banana (about 24 carbs, take or give) is zero points. It sure doesn’t feel like zero points when I’m having to bolus for the carbs and then check my blood sugar a couple of hours later to make sure I guesstimated properly and am not sitting at 300. Fruit is like jet fuel for blood sugars when you have Type 1 diabetes (YDMV – your diabetes may vary). “Free food” is really just a matter of perspective. Yet it works for so many people.

Then there is Atkins. How is it healthy to eat that much meat? I mean, essentially the diet is a version of a low carb diet, but it also talks about putting your body into ketoacidosis. Aren’t we supposed to be staying OUT of ketoacidosis? Diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) can mean a hospital trip for many of us people with diabetes (PWDs). But there again, it works for so many people.

Correction: It’s KETOSIS, not ketoacidosis. Easy to get confused. Thanks Allison!

Those are just two examples, and clearly I don’t understand all of the ins and outs of them all. I see info about this meal plan and that weight loss option, conflicting testimonies and experiences, and I can’t seem to come to any conclusion about what is right for me. It is this lack of understanding that is paralyzing my decision making process on what it means, for me, to “eat right.” I see successes and failures with every single option. How do you pick one? Which one is the “right” one? It’s like walking down the cereal aisle at the grocery store. Can’t I just get the one that is delicious and has the best prize?

I don’t have an answer. I probably just need to commit to something and try it. For now, I know I can work out. I enjoy that, and even look forward to it once I get into the routine. Maybe my rule needs to be, “If you eat it, burn it.” Or maybe it’s, “Sweat like a pig to look like a fox.” It’s one of those. In any case, we’ll call it the “Running on Fumes” plan, and I’ll try to talk Chuck Norris into being my spokesperson. After all, Chuck Norris never loses weight; he knows exactly where it is, and it’s very afraid of him.

Don’t Just Do Nothing

Last Thursday morning officially kicked off the Friends For Life 2012 conference program. Appropriately, for me, it started with a plate full of bacon. I love breakfast any time, but I especially love breakfast at Friends For Life. Imagine being in an environment where everything you want to eat, from salads and entrees to sides and desserts, is carb counted, serving sizes are indicated, and everything is delicious. That’s food at Friends For Life.

A very special thanks to one Mike Schurig, aka Food Dude, for all of the yellow and green cards indicating nutritional values, making sure that there were Celiac-friendly options, and for helping to make sure that people with diabetes (PWDs) and their families had excellent food options to choose from.

Coupled with breakfast on Thursday morning was the opening keynote address by Tom Karlya, aka Diabetes Dad. He encouraged everyone at Friends For Life to not be satisfied with sitting on the sidelines, but to get up and do something to make a difference in the world, no matter how big or small it may seem. Then he showed us this video of Derek Redmond and his father from the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona.

Tom had a very simple message for everyone: Don’t just do nothing. Friends For Life was started because one family was going on vacation in Orlando, Florida and they decided to spread the word and see who all else with diabetes might show up. 500 people showed up, and Friends For Life was born.

I had a boss once who said to think about the things that people would remember 100 years from now, and make those things the focus of your life’s work. I can’t say for certain that there is anything that I have done (yet) that will be remembered 100 years from now, but if I can make the life of a person with diabetes better, then I feel like I’m on the right track.

Don’t just sit on the sidelines when you know that there are people in the world that you can help. Like Derek Redmond’s dad, get up, push through the barriers, and act. As much help as we may need ourselves, we can do even more when we help each other. Together, we can make a difference. That is what Friends For Life is about, that is what Students With Diabetes is about, and that is what being a person with diabetes should be about. We can self-promote ourselves all day long, and sometimes that is exactly what it takes to get things moving in a positive direction, but at the end of the day it is the lives that we have made better that count the most.

2012 Goals & Resolutions

Last year I put together a post of some of the things that I wanted to accomplish in 2011. My first goal was to get my A1C under 6.2. At my last three endo visits, my A1C was 5.6, 5.7, and 5.6. Goal achieved, sort of, but with that low A1C came a couple of dangerous lows. Those A1C’s don’t make me a “good diabetic” anymore than those dangerous lows make me a “bad diabetic.” It’s just proof that an ideal number goal that signifies that diabetes is in good control is also very close to the edge of a low blood sugar disaster.

I made a resolution last year to wear my CGM more regularly. I did mostly, yet those two aforementioned lows both outran my CGM’s ability to predict the low blood sugar in time for me to fix the problem myself. During the first low, my CGM started beeping while A-Flizzle was feeding me glucose tabs. (See also: This CGM technology stuff has got to improve if we ever hope to see a closed-loop artificial pancreas in reality.) Unfortunately, due to expired sensors, supply refill woes, and now a CGM transmitter that is no longer transmitting, I’ve been without my CGM for 2-3 months, and I can definitely tell because my BG’s are all over the place. Like that sweaty 35 this morning, followed by a headache inducing 237 at dinner tonight. I’m concerned about my next A1C, but I know that it is just data, and I know that I’m struggling, and I’m just going to put my faith in my endo, my CDE, and myself to work together and turn this beat around. Diabetes is hard enough. Why beat myself up about it?

My #2 and #3 goals were really all about exercise, and if I look at them explicitly, I failed them both. I did not run a 5K, nor did I find a group to start cycling with on a regular basis. I did, however, discover the joys of spin class, so I’m chalking those up as a sort of win.

One goal I had that I’m extremely disappointed about not achieving is to get down to a stable 165 lbs. The first half of this year I did phenomenal at losing some weight, eating low carb, getting some exercise in, and really feeling like I was on my way to a more fit me. Then I had that low BG seizure at the beginning of July, where I chewed up my tongue and could only eat really soft, bland, room temperature foods for about 2-3 weeks, and that sunk my battleship. I was traveling at the time, so I resorted to eating total garbage like macaroni and cheese, soft cookies, potatoes, and starchy things that I had done so well at resisting in the first half of 2011. Now, here at the beginning of 2012, I’m right back to where I started, maybe even a little heavier. I have some new weight-related goals in mind though, so rather than throwing myself a pity party, I’m going to try a healthy helping of encouragement instead.

Another resolution I had was to go to the ophthalmologist. I’ve written about this experience, but suffice it to say that I did indeed go, and I got my card the other day reminding me to make a new appointment, and it isn’t something I’m as afraid of as much as I once was. I’m calling that an accomplishment.

Other goals and resolutions involved having adventures, paying off some bills, getting diabetes stuff that I needed (like a new medical ID bracelet), and remembering that even though diabetes is ever present, it isn’t the only thing that is important in life. All of those things I can mostly say I succeeded at, and am not opposed to carrying those ideals forward in the new year.

So without further ado, I present my 2012 goals and resolutions.

Goals
1. A1C <= 6.2. Less would be good.
2. Pay off at least two debts.
3. Have an adventure…regularly. Take pictures. (I really can’t emphasize this one enough. It’s a MUST!)
4. NEW for 2012: Drop some heft. Goal weight, 175 lbs. I will re-evaluate once this goal is achieved.
5. NEW for 2012: Complete an urban disturbance/warrior 5K, where you climb walls, jump fire, wade through mud, etc. I don’t know the exact name of these types of races. I just know I want to do one.
6. NEW for 2012: I will have a pool nearby this year, so I’m going to start swimming again. I miss it bunches. Plus, I need to get my bikini body ready for…*cough*…nevermind. Nothing to see here. Move along people.
7. NEW for 2012: Be successful with at least one big thing for diabetes advocacy. Measure of success to be determined based on specifics of the diabetes advocacy activity. That should leave me plenty of room to cause trouble.

Resolutions
1. Wear CGM consistently.
2. NEW for 2012: Find and go to the dentist, in addition to endo and ophthalmologist.
3. NEW for 2012: Exercise at least 3 days a week, even if work, blogging, and rest have to be sacrificed in order to do so. This will help my strength, energy level, blood sugar stability, and entertainment value while strutting around without clothes on.
4. NEW for 2012: Blog consistently, but only if it meets self-imposed quality standards. Or includes a good laugh. Or both.
5. NEW for 2012: Stop letting other people dictate my emotions. Their Jedi mind tricks are no good here.

Yeah…that’s a good start.

The Plus Factor

National Health Blog Post Month, Day 13: Open a book. Point to a page. Free write for 10-15 minutes on that word or passage. Post without editing if you can!

Presently I’m in the midst of a couple of books, magazines, and academic journals at one time. That might actually explain why I am such a slow reader these days. My reading adventures are as varied and overbooked as my daily schedule. The top book that I’m reading at the moment and getting the most joy out of is “How to Be Like Walt: Capturing the Disney Magic Every Day of Your Life” by Pat Williams.

I am presently about halfway through the book, and I absolutely love it. I have deliberately taken my time with this book, savoring it in small portions, because it is a joy to read and I find it so interesting. It chronicles the life of Walt Disney, both from the personal perspective of Walt, but also by the people that he worked with and inspired throughout his life. I’m a fan of Walt Disney to begin with, but I really appreciate the details and stories surrounding Walt’s life, ideas, and inspiration.

You can find something interesting and thought provoking on just about any page in the book you turn to. I can’t say that about most books I read. To honor the spirit of this blog prompt, I opened the book up and turned to page 154, to a section titled “The plus factor.”

Sometime in the 1940’s Walt Disney coined the term “plussing,” a verb meant to give people more than they expect.

Sometimes we get in the habit of only giving people what they expect, and not much more than that. I don’t think we do it intentionally, but we just get accustomed to a certain level of performance and we ride that wave for as long as we possibly can, until events force us to swim back out and seek the next big swell.

I think of my life with diabetes, and how sometimes I don’t want to do the work required to exceed the expectations of myself (which are impossibly high), my endo, or my CDE. I do only enough to get by, and hope that I get a lucky roll of the dice when it comes to my weight, my A1C, or my blood sugar graphs.

Walt would say that sort of behavior is ludicrous, and won’t ever allow me to grow and be my best. I don’t have to be perfect, but “plussing” is saying that I can always do just a little bit more in an effort to exceed expectations, even if those expectations are my own.

Walt was never satisfied with “good enough,” and that is how our life with diabetes is a lot of the time. We always want to have a little bit better blood sugar numbers, a little bit lower A1C, a little bit less weight, a little more exercise, a little bit less carbs. So much of what we deal with is just data, but it’s hard not to assign emotions to all of those numbers, especially when those numbers keep us from achieving something that we want.

“Walt Disney was adamant about quality. He always found new ways to ‘plus the experience.’ He wanted to give people more than they anticipated.” – Dan Viets, Disney Historian and Coauthor, Walt Disney’s Missouri

Dare to plus your world. Even if you have to take a step backward to move forward, always aim for a bit better than where you are right now.

This post was written as part of National Health Blog Post Month (NHBPM) – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

Monday Motivation

National Health Blog Post Month, Day 7: Case of the Mondays. Write about something that gets you down, burns you out, or makes you sad. Purge it in a blog post. Turn it around at the end. Tell Tuesday why you’re ready for it.

Based on popular opinion (or at least the folks on my Twitter and Facebook feeds), most people are not fans of Monday. Color me odd, but I don’t mind Monday that much. After the weekend, I’m ready to get back to work and get things accomplished.

I like to feel productive. That doesn’t have a specific day of the week for me. Monday provides me with an opportunity to set the tone for the entire week, and get off to a good start. My intent is that by getting things rolling on Monday, the momentum will carry me through to Friday, when I can look back at my list o’ stuff and feel good that all or most of it is crossed off and completed.

Now, not every Monday is that big of a success. But neither is every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday. I feel like if I spend my day on Sunday dreading tomorrow, then I don’t really have much choice but to have a sour Monday.

It helps me to set goals for my week. I need to feel that sense of accomplishment, like I’m doing something progressive, getting things done, and moving forward.

This week, for example, I’m going to try to wear my CGM all week long. I’m really having a difficult time wearing it lately. My slacking has resulted in me watching my BG’s tick upward (and I HATE being high with the fire of a thousand suns), along with my BG averages and probably my A1C too. I’ve had sensor errors galore, gushers, and now the few sensors I have left are expired, so I’m trying to get as much use out of them as I can before they all quit working and I have to throw the remainders in the garbage. I’ll get new ones on my next supply order, so I’m not overly concerned, just trying to make those diabetes supplies stretch.

I’m also going to go to spin class at least twice this week. Spin and the gym is yet another thing that I’ve been slacking on lately, and the way my clothes fit is bringing it more and more to the forefront (and waistline) of my attention. I’m not going to start the week saying that I’m going to go every single day. I won’t. Not yet. I need to ease back into it. Two or three 45 minute sessions of spin should be a great start to turning the beat around.

I’ve got some work things to do, and I’m sprinkling in some blog posting, spin classes, and CGM wearing to get my Monday started off right. What’s your Monday motivation?

This post was written as part of National Health Blog Post Month (NHBPM) – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

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